just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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