I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
