I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
