Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize