He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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