is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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