Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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