We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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