I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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