when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
