He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
