Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
