you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
