I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
