we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize