four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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