this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
