I haven't been this sober since birth.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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