I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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