So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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