One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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