You made me cry and you don't even care
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
