The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
