I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
