I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
found the other keg... it's in the tree
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
