my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
