I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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