Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
