fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
