I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize