ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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