We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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