Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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