So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
