two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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