Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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