Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
