I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
