Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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