last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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