If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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