Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize