What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
