some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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