I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
