$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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