He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
