oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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