He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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