I am spending my child support on dildos
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
