not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
