I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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