piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You dont lie about slip and slides
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
