my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
