This girl is more easily done than said...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize