hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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