i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
