just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
