i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize