Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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