; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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