you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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