Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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