too bad you live with your parents still
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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