I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
