I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
