I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
