This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
