So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
