a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
